Christmas: Snowbound At The Benbow
by Muriel Candytuft
Summary: Jim spends Christmas with his mom and the Dopplers...whether he likes it or not. [Based on Jackie99's hilarious stories. Written with permission.]
1. Russian Christmas

Christmas: Snowbound at the Benbow

A/N: Hi, everyone! Jackie99 gave me permission to sequel their hilarious stories, so here we go. If nobody really likes it, I'll take it down and keep it for my private amusement. Remember, I own nothing.

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"OK, pick a present, everybody!" Sarah Hawkins sang at her three guests.

Delbert Doppler, Captain Amelia Doppler, and Jim Hawkins stared blankly at the woman who stood before them in a red and green elf costume, complete with a bell-decked hat.

"Aw, come on, pick a present!" Sarah coaxed. "Pick a present or--or I'll have to do the Happy Elf Dance!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.

Jim, Captain Amelia, and Delbert promptly bolted for the Christmas tree and grabbed a present each. Nobody wanted to see the Happy Elf Dance for the fourth time that night.

It was a snowy Christmas Eve at the Admiral Benbow Inn, which doubled as the Hawkins family's home. The Inn was closed for the night, but the Dopplers had come over for Christmas dinner. Before dinner, though, Sarah had insisted that everyone take part in her "Russian Christmas" ritual. Everybody picked a present at random, but before they opened them, they could choose to exchange their present for someone else's. The presents were the usual novelty items that only get sold at Christmas--candy dispensers, bath sets, and magazine racks. Jim backed up towards the sofa, holding a gift wrapped in shiny blue paper speckled with snowflakes. He hoped it was one of those cool sausage and cheese sampler boxes.

Delbert shook his present curiously, but nothing rattled. "Drat."

"Well, if anybody wants to trade, now's the time!" Sarah announced, turning the TV set on. "The Year Without A Santa Claus" with all the marionettes was playing. Jim gritted his teeth. The marionettes had given him nightmares when he was a kid. Now, they chronically annoyed him.

"James, I do believe I'd like to trade with you," Captain Amelia stated, holding a present in Santa Claus paper out to Jim. He glanced suspiciously at the present. He didn't like the glint in Captain Amelia's green eyes. And he was well aware that she still sought to avenge herself for the sugar he'd put in her BMW's gas tank.

"Well, are you going to take it, Jim?" Sarah demanded.

"Yeah, sure." Jim threw his gift at Captain Amelia and took hers carefully, as though it were a time bomb. "Can we open them now, Ma?"

Sarah smiled and nodded.

Jim ripped the paper away from his gift to reveal a box of socks, every pair decorated with snowmen and Christmas trees. "Holy cow!" he yelped.

"Nice to see that you hold bovines so sacred, James," Captain Amelia muttered. She was precisely cutting through the paper on her gift with her tiny jacknife.

"Do you not _see _the socks?!" Jim shouted, dangling a pair from his fingers.

Sarah took one look at the socks and melted. "Oh, how adorable!" she squealed. "Try them on!"

Jim stared at her, aghast. "Ma, what the...they're red and green!"

"So? I'm wearing red and green. What's wrong with red and green?"

Jim glanced at her ridiculous suit and opened his mouth to respond, but quickly decided not to even go there.

"Ah, splendid! I love sausage," Captain Amelia said.

To Jim's horror, she had gotten the very box of sausages and cheese he'd been holding a few seconds ago. "Aw, you gotta be kidding me!" he wailed.

"You will wear the socks," Sarah ordered.

"No, I will not," Jim shot back.

_Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw it..._whined an electronic voice from Delbert's location. Everybody stared as the scientist donned his gift: a pair of felt antlers affixed to a headband, decorated with flashy red lights, that would sing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" when you pushed its button.

"Most fascinating! Thank you very much, Sarah," Delbert said. The antlers on his head wiggled.

"Shoot me now," Jim moaned.

"Okay. Smile!" Sarah shouted. A camera flash nearly blinded Jim.

"Ma!" he cried, shielding his eyes with his arm. "Put that thing up!"

Sarah only cooed, "Awwww," and held the camera out so Jim could see the picture she'd just taken. On the camera's digital screen was a picture of Jim sitting on the sofa with all those colourful socks on his lap. "We'll send that one to Grandma!"

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	2. A Question Of Punch

Chapter 2--A Question Of Punch

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The radio on Jim's desk warned, "And we're looking at some heavy snow for the Triad tonight; tempertaure currently thirty degrees..."

"She knew I had the sausage box. I know she knew it!" Jim yanked a comb through his brown hair as he fumed.

"Jim! Dinner's getting cold!" Sarah yelled from downstairs.

"Gimme a minute!" Jim shouted back through his open bedroom door. He sat down on his bed and wondered: How was he going to get that sausage box back? Maybe he could just grab it and race back to his room before he came to the dinner table. But if Amelia caught him with it...he shuddered at the possibilities. Well, he would just have to bide his time.

The teenager stood up and stared carefully at his reflection in the full mirror on his bedroom door. He couldn't afford to look stupid right now, especially since Sarah had invited Kenzie to dinner. Kenzie was the pretty, new waitress at the Benbow Inn; and Sarah, convinced that the girl's polite smiles at Jim were her way of flirting, had insisted that she share Christmas dinner with them. This was not the first time she'd invited a girl over for Christmas. She was always trying to set her son up with girls. But this time, since Jim thought Kenzie was pretty cool, he didn't resent it. He just hoped she wouldn't notice his snowman socks.

"Jim!" Sarah railed from downstairs.

"Okay, okay!" Jim gave his hair one last swipe with the comb, and raced for the stairs. He didn't notice a skateboard perched on the top step, though. A few seconds later, he lay dizzy and sore at the bottom of the staircase, with the skateboard on his head.

"Owww," he groaned.

"Perhaps you'll be more careful of where you place things in the future, James," a dreaded voice said. Jim glared up at Captain Amelia, who stood gloating over him.

"Shut up, you old broad." Jim sat up and tossed the skateboard aside.

Captain Amelia leaned down and said, "Well, since I've got you here, perhaps you can take a look at my car. I think there's something wrong with the gas tank, _sir_." Her gloat widened into an evil smile.

Jim narrowed his blue eyes at her. "Well, two can play at this game, _ma'am_."

"Dinner's getting cold!" Sarah called for the millionth time.

The enemies quickly moved for the dining room. Nobody saw Jim grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the bathroom en route.

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Well, so much for dinner getting cold. Now it was to get even colder, since Sarah insisted on enforcing another Christmas tradition. This time, everybody was to stand up, list all the things they were thankful for, lead the guests in a Christmas song, and drink their health. Jim still wasn't sure how drinking punch would ensure well-being, but whatever.

Sarah made her emotional speech first, as she was at the head of the table. The speeches would then proceed clockwise around the table. But while Sarah sobbed and yammered about Christmas spirit and Barney the Dinosaur, Jim slowly screwed the cap off his bottle of rubbing alcohol. During a high point in Sarah's speech, in which she turned her back, Jim splashed some alcohol into the punchbowl. He, Sarah, Delbert, and Kenzie had already served themselves some punch, so Captain Amelia was going to get it.

Jim then turned his attention to embarrassment, as Sarah stood up on her chair and sang, "My Grown-Up Christmas List." When the song was finally finished, he slammed his head down on the table as Delbert, Captain Amelia, and Kenzie applauded.

"Thank you, Sarah. Most inspiring," Delbert muttered as he stood up, punch in hand. "Ah, let's see. I am thankful for my wife, my friends, and science."

Jim smirked. _Yeah, trust him_.

Delbert hurriedly sang a verse of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", accompanied by his musical antlers. Then he drained his punch. When that was finally over, Captain Amelia stood up and reached for the punchbowl.

Jim bit his lip.

"Oh! Oh, dear," Captain Amelia said as, with an almost invisible flick of her wrist, she toppled Jim's glass of punch. "I'm sorry, Sarah; I'll clean it up."

"Okay. Paper towels are on the counter in the kitchen," Sarah replied.

Jim stared helplessly at the red, un-spiked punch flooding the tablecloth. "Great," he mumbled.

"Mrs. Hawkins?" Kenzie spoke up. "I can make my speech now, if you want."

Sarah smiled. "Why, of course, Kenzie; go right ahead."

Kenzie carefully stood, taking her punch. "I'm thankful for Christmas, and my new job here, and my family, and--" Here she leveled her brown eyes at Jim. "--my friends."

Jim stared stupidly back at her, temporarily forgetting his punch dilemma.

"Do you want to sing?" Sarah asked.

Kenzie shrugged her thin shoulders. "Sure."

"_It came upon a midnight clear, that glorious song of old,_

_From angels bending near the earth, to touch their harps of gold_..."

Jim felt his knees go slack.

When Captain Amelia had cleaned her "accident" up, and Kenzie had taken her seat, Jim's mind turned back to the problem at hand. Maybe he could just get away with drinking their health with water?

"Perhaps you would like to go first, James?" he heard Captain Amelia say.

Jim froze. "N-now?"

"Yes, Jim, go ahead," Sarah agreed.

"Uh..." Jim stood up and grabbed his glass of water.

Sarah shook her head. "No, no, take punch. You don't drink health with water."

Jim felt his insides quivering as he ladled some punch into a plastic cup. Then he stood there, holding it up.

"What are you thankful for?" Sarah prodded.

Jim noticed Kenzie smiling at him, and suddenly wished she were a mile away.

"Uh, I'm thankful for...Christmas presents, the grass, pie, my fingernails," Jim stammered, rattling off the first things that came to mind. He saw Sarah's motherly glare and amended the list. "I mean--my family, my friends, school..."

Captain Amelia was smirking at him. He glanced down at her hands--and saw his bottle of rubbing alcohol.

_Oh, man, this sucks._

"And, uh..." Jim cleared his throat and belted out in a shaky voice: "_Grandma got run over by a reindeer_..." He stared at the punch in his hands as he sang, already feeling his stomach doing backflips.

Sarah's eyebrows shot up. Delbert gasped, as if sorry for Grandma. Kenzie's smile turned into a laugh.

Jim quickly poured the punch down his throat, encouraged by that wonderful laugh. His courage quickly turned to nausea, however, and he bolted away from the table, through the hall, and into the bathroom. As he knelt before the toilet, he promised himself he'd never spike punch again.

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	3. The Great Debate

Chapter 4--The Great Debate

A/N: What's UP, everybody! So far I've got positive responses, so I'll post another chapter and see what happens. Thanks very much to treasureplanet-gurl for reviewing, and to Jackie99 both for reviewing and for permission! Y'all rock. Also thanks to my sister; she helped me come up with some ideas for this chapter. BTW, to Jackie99, my sister also read the originals, and she loves them, especially Spring Break. Here we go!

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The second Jim re-entered the dining room, Sarah waved the bottle of rubbing alcohol in his face. "Amelia told me all about it; how could you do that, Jim?! It cost me ten dollars to make that punch, and money don't grow on trees."

The teenager glanced at the guests: Delbert, who stared with fascination at the spiked punch; Kenzie, whose gaze held a mixture of horror and amusement; and Captain Amelia, who sat prim and smug in her victory. "It's her fault," he snapped, pointing at her. He quickly backed down when he saw the feline's nostrils flare with indignation.

Sarah wearily shook her head. "Fine. Just pour it down the sink."

Jim snatched up the punchbowl, stormed into the kitchen, and unceremoniously dumped the punch. Unfortunately, it splashed in the steel sink, spattering the front of Jim's shirt with bright red punch and alcohol. "Great!" he shouted, glaring at the new red stain on his shirt. He stomped his way back to the dining room and flung himself down in his chair. What a day.

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Jim idly pushed his food around on his plate. His appetite was completely gone. This was partly because of the minutes he'd spent with his head bent over the toilet; and partly because Delbert and Sarah were arguing, yet again, on all matters trivial. The subject of today's debate? Whether turkey or ham was a more appropriate Christmas meat.

As Sarah banged her fist on the table and shouted out all the virtues of ham, Jim threw a quick glance at Captain Amelia. She had finished eating. She had no interest in the debate, so she'd placed her laptop on the table, and was banging dutifully at the keys while sipping hot cocoa. He didn't think he knew a bigger workaholic than her.

"But pig products are cured with sodium nitrite," Delbert snapped, "and as we all know, that is an unwholesome chemical."

Sarah banged on the table so hard that the plates of green beans and sweet potatoes rattled. "Sure, but poultry has growth hormones injected into it! Turkey makes our kids grow too fast! I should know! Jim's only seventeen and already he's shaving. Is that natural? No! It's because of turkey!"

Jim winced at that comment. Good Lord, he'd started shaving when he was fourteen. _Trust her to say something bone-headed about me_. He saw Kenzie suppress a giggle, and quickly looked away. His eyes came to rest on Captain Amelia's pants--tailored, immaculate khakis. As he looked from her pants to his food, revenge bubbled up in his mind.

Delbert shook his head. "There is nothing wrong with shaving at seventeen, Sarah. You're getting off the subject."

"I am not!" Sarah got even more worked up. "In ancient times, young men didn't shave until they were at least twenty-five."

"Where did you get that?" Delbert asked, looking bewildered.

Sarah grabbed at her hair in frustration. "I--don't--know!"

With good speed, Jim picked up his spoon, scooped up a generous bit of chestnut stuffing, and plopped the thick goo on Captain Amelia's pants. Her back stiffened, and she glared at Jim, green fireworks blazing in her eyes. Jim had quickly turned away, and now looked at his enemy with all the innocence he could muster. She gestured angrily towards the stuffing on her person. He shrugged, trying his best to look horrified that anyone would dare spoil her pants. Captain Amelia pointed a warning finger at him, wiped the stuffing with a napkin, and returned to her work.

"Furthermore," Delbert continued, getting worked up himself, "turkey is much easier to prepare, and it goes a longer way. Not to mention--"

"Much easier to prepare! It takes four hours!" Sarah fairly screamed. "And then there's pulling out the giblets--"

Jim suddenly felt something warm and slimy crawl down the back of his neck. He reached cautiously back and found sweet potatoes. "Aw, shoot!" he growled, and he grabbed his spoon and slapped more stuffing onto Captain Amelia's pants. Now she threw a roll at him.

"See, there's the problem with ham!" Delbert shouted, beating his chest dramatically with a fist. "It encourages intolerable physical and mental sloth! So you slather on some honey and pineapples, throw it in the oven, and you're done. So what?! Turkey makes you more appreciative of the hard work and care that SHOULD be involved in a Christmas dinner!" His voice shook the lamp hanging over the table.

Sarah protectively snatched up her pineapple-decked ham. "Oh, so you're calling _me_ lazy now!"

Angrily, Jim tossed his entire plate at Amelia's face. She wiped the food from her murderous eyes, and then she snatched up her cocoa and yanked at the back of Jim's pants.

Jim immediately knew he'd better start begging for mercy. "Oh, no, no, no! Come on!" he yelped.

"I'm just saying that you are much too CONVENIENCE ORIENTED!" Delbert roared.

Sarah burst into tears and flung her ham down on the table.

Captain Amelia deftly poured her sizziling hot cocoa down Jim's pants. He screamed as she threw him to the floor and stalked out of the dining room.

Delbert, upon seeing Sarah cry, was immediately repentant. "Now, Sarah, I don't mean it against you personally--well, actually I do, but I didn't--"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore!" A sobbing Sarah rushed for the back door and exited the house. Probably so she could have a heart-to-heart with her precious rabbit statue, Mr. Flufflenutter.

Delbert cautiously sat back down. "Um...Jim? Miss Kenzie? What do you think?" he asked lamely.

"Ohhhh," was all that food-plastered, cocoa-soaked Jim could groan out.

Kenzie glanced about uncomfortably. "I think I should probably go check on Mrs. Hawkins. Then I'd better get home. My folks, you know."

Sarah opened the back door and stuck her head inside. Her hair was crusted with snow. "Kenzie? It looks like you'll have to stay with us. The Dopplers, too. There's gotta be four, four and a half feet of snow out there. And it's still coming down. We're snowed in."

"Oh, man." Kenzie's eyes widened. "Can I call home?" Sarah nodded, and Kenzie pulled out her cell-phone and backed into the next room.

"I'll tell Mrs. Doppler," Delbert sighed, also leaving the dining room.

Sarah glanced down at her son, who still lay defeated on the floor. "Jim, what are you doing? Help me clean up!"

"Ohhhh," Jim moaned again.


End file.
